so i definetly proved something to myself today.
i proved that i probably don't know how to say things right sometimes.
i would just love it if people knew how i felt.
i'm sorry if feelings were hurt,
i'm sorry if people were offended.
this wasn't supposed to be a stab at someone
this wasn't supposed to result in something like this
all i wanted was to just inform people of my feelings because i never really do.
i don't think people understand just how much i care about people.
i care about them so much that every action or everything they say affects me.
all i want is for the best for everybody.
i know it isn't possible to get everybody to listen to me,
because that would just be a miracle.
but i just wish that some would hear me out.
i've thus decided that i'm not going to be around that much anymore.
i have tried so hard to keep from breaking down but yet again, i've failed.
i'm losing people left and right and its just heartbreaking.
people changing, people losing hope in themselves, people becoming careless, people jumping the gun on words, people talking behind peoples backs, etc.
me saying this things does not mean in anyway i'm saying i'm more perfect than anyone.
i have had flaws, i have been apart of the well known teenage trait of talking behind peoples because i never thought things through.
but now realizing pain it causes people, not only by what has occured in my life but seeing it first hand, i want to put a stop to it right now.
for me anyways.
**i want to take the time to apologize for everything i have ever said behind anybody's back.
even though i know that i am not the only one with this fault,
i realized that this is a really bad habit for me, and i want it gone for good.
if you ever read this, this is to get it off my chest.
if it makes you mad, then i'm sorry from the bottom of my heart and i hope you can find it within you to forgive me.
J.E.M.-i'm sorry that i have talked behind your back before and said some nasty things. i regret it because i became somebody that i didn't want to become. everybody has their flaws and no one deserves to be chewed out, no matter how much somebody may disagree with their actions. i still remember childhood memories from 6th grade. all the fun times we've had since then. i just wish you the best with what ever the future has in store for you. again, i'm sorry.
S.E.G.- we have been through so much. i'm going to start out by saying that i'm sorry for talking behind you back. i didn't mean to ever hurt you or offend you. you are such a good person and you have such a great heart. i remember when we used to hang out and have sleepovers all the time. i remember when you used to talk about your horses non stop, and when we used to be tom boys. i remember when i would go to your house all the time, and we would run around your culdesac on our scooters. times that i will never forget.
C.S.H. (or S.C.H.)- i regret every moment from when we have lost our closeness as friends. i remember when we would talk on the phone every single day and always go to each other for advice, comfort, and just fun. i remember indian princesses, and every single great memory held within that time period. i remember hanging around at kari's house all the time and just having a great time. i can not believe that i let a guy get in the way of such an incredible friendship. nasty things have been passed between people and i regret everyday for becoming apart of the cycle.
S.L.- i have just recently become closer to you and i love that. you are such a loving person and you have such a compassionate heart. you always want the best for everybody and never want anyone to be unhappy. before i became close to you and knew you, i was apart of the vicious line of people talking about you. i can't believe that i would let myself do that because i didn't even know you and had no right to be saying any of those things.
E.G.H.N.- you are such an amazing, talented, beautiful person. we have been through so much together and we have shared so many memories that i thank god for everyday. i'm so glad that i have been blessed to get to know you. i have unfortunately become apart of people talking about you, and i still don't understand why i would say anything about you. i guess i was jealous of attention that you were getting and selfishly wanted some of it for myself. i know that that is incredibly stupid and i'm sorry. you mean so much to me and i would never, ever want to lose you as a friend ever.
K.T.P.- you and my friend is partly mine to blame on why is has become shattered. i would talk about how i thought it was because of your boyfriend and how you have changed so much. but i realized that that was all talk and all false. i was wrong to make assumptions without talking to you first. you are such an incredibly, talented person with so much heart. i really want to make it my mission to become closer to you again. i miss us, i miss how we used to be, and most of all, i miss my sister. please forgive me and try to have trust in me again as i prove myself.
D.K.D.- you are such a outgoing, full of life person. you have so much passion for things, that i can only wish i can have energy like that. i've made assumptions about you that are just rumors and not needed. i only have myself to blame for talking about you harshly, and i'm sorry. you have so much potential to be whatever you set yourself out to be and i just hope that you get all of what life offers to you.
J.S.- you are such a great friend. i am so blessed to have met you and am thankful for getting the chance to get to know you. you, like every single person above, have SO much potential to be who you want to be and i know you can do it if you set your mind to it. i can't believe that i have ever spoke bad things about you, but unfortunately my habit over took me. i am deeply sorry for everything. i can only pray that you forgive me for my bad actions.
now i leave you with this final word.
again, i'm sorry for everything.
i'm deeply hurt with pain i've caused others, and can only hope for forgiveness in return.
I love all of you.
