i am so lost.

lately i've been feeling completely out of it and i feel like i'm losing people because of it.

something inside of me is pushing everybody that is close to me away and it is making me go crazy.

i don't know what is going on.

i suppose all there is to do is push through it and do what you believe you need to do.

:/

also, in the midst of this, i am torn.

i have recently found something out that i wasn't supposed to know (and i wish i never found out).

but now that i know, i really feel like i need to talk to that person about it but i don't want to have to give away who told me.

its eating me alive.

help?!

a. talk to them and give away who told me/have them hate me or b. let it take over my mind

July 1, 2010

why do i let this bother me so much?

[i wouldn't be surprised if this was aiding to my mental break from the world.]

i know i should get over it because nothing like this is worth me being this upset over..

i know i should just say screw it and have fun without the thoughts of hurt and neglect entering my mind.

but its just so hard... its so hard when i care so much..

well i don't know if 'care' is the right word.. but its just more of... miss before..

before when i was more important..

i miss before when people got together to hang out rather than just an escape from their households to just ...nevermind.

i miss the center.. well.. maybe not the center.. but more of when there was no center..

i miss when there was not just one person trying to take over everybody..

[..yes...more rambling..]