i am so lost.

lately i've been feeling completely out of it and i feel like i'm losing people because of it.

something inside of me is pushing everybody that is close to me away and it is making me go crazy.

i don't know what is going on.

i suppose all there is to do is push through it and do what you believe you need to do.

:/

also, in the midst of this, i am torn.

i have recently found something out that i wasn't supposed to know (and i wish i never found out).

but now that i know, i really feel like i need to talk to that person about it but i don't want to have to give away who told me.

its eating me alive.

help?!

a. talk to them and give away who told me/have them hate me or b. let it take over my mind

July 1, 2010

why do i let this bother me so much?

[i wouldn't be surprised if this was aiding to my mental break from the world.]

i know i should get over it because nothing like this is worth me being this upset over..

i know i should just say screw it and have fun without the thoughts of hurt and neglect entering my mind.

but its just so hard... its so hard when i care so much..

well i don't know if 'care' is the right word.. but its just more of... miss before..

before when i was more important..

i miss before when people got together to hang out rather than just an escape from their households to just ...nevermind.

i miss the center.. well.. maybe not the center.. but more of when there was no center..

i miss when there was not just one person trying to take over everybody..

[..yes...more rambling..]

June 29, 2010

I am tired of feeling this way.

Being mistreaten, misunderstood, and mistaken.

I hate being taken for granted.

Like I'm worth nothing and that its okay, because "she normally doesn't care".

Well, I'd like to inform that that is false.

I do care. Too much.

I put others before me, and frankly I'm completely sick of it.

I'm sick of being pushed around, not being listened to, and never, EVER doing what I want to do.

I just want to go on top of a mountain and scream.

I have so much stress built up on me that I don't even understand how I'm standing nowadays.

Friends falling away here and there.

People just walking away without looking back.

They just walk around, all proud and tall.

Like they are the only things that matter at all.

Well listen here, you selfish people.

With your attitudes and glares.

Get over yourself, for the world your about to walk into won't take that shit anymore.

April 13, 2010

LIfe.

Man, life.

haha.

i'm just trying to live life to the fullest at the moment.

Got some exciting things happening in the next few weeks.

I start training for my new job this week, plus have an Owl City concert (:

Then next week is Prom. Oh boy, thats going to be alot.

Then the following week, I have Edgefest. SUPER stoked for that (:(:

Anyways thats about all for now, just felt like updating :P

April 4, 2010

you...

i wish..

i want...

i just...

i need...

if only.... you were worth me expressing my opinion too.

you are just too... words can't even express how i feel.

and you...

all i want is for you to be there for me when i come to you.

all i want is for you to comfort me when im broken.

if its too much of a burden for you to be on my side, just let me know.

bottling up is something ive learned to be very good at lately anyways.

February 7, 2010

i really hope that karma catches up to you.

i hope that he realizes that your a mistake.

what the hell happened to everybody?

MAY 29, can you please come sooner?

December 14, 2009

too many times this year i have been broken down,

and i frankly can't handle it anymore.

i am not looking for a pity party.

i am just looking for happiness,

but failing to find it so far.

i might be on the right track now,

but i guess good things only come through learning/pain.